HE'S THE POPE, HE WEARS THE HAT

I'M BETTER ON MYSPACE

2008-03-08T02:31:00.000-08:00

http://www.myspace.com/welcometovaticancity

MY LIFE IN PICTURES

2007-09-11T14:45:00.000-07:00

That was a big moment for me.

This is when I pulled the sword out of the stone. Can you say P-I-M-P?

I invented finger puppets.

Spent some time in Pans Labrynth. Ha, thought he was a jew at first.

Crossing The Potomac River. I'm not just a lover.
Last Halloween.
I went as an Irish blackface cowboy detective.

I won a heisman. No biggie.

Just for fun... Pope in a windmill.

POPE PULLS SIGNATURE MOVE

2007-09-02T22:50:00.001-07:00

2007-09-02T04:13:00.001-07:00

I AM THE LAW

2007-09-02T02:31:00.000-07:00

If I could sum up The Pope in a word, it would be if you ever had a story, or you were telling a story, any story... He always had a better one.

2007-09-02T02:28:00.000-07:00

I don't want this to affect my afternoon pretzel.

POPE'S SON JAILED

2007-09-02T01:19:00.000-07:00

Monty, Murda D, and DCVan seem optomisitc.

All promised not to rape each other. Murda D crossed his fingers.

Pope Speaks About Son's DUI

2007-09-02T00:14:00.000-07:00

The Pope only said one thing, "I think you know what I do around here. Let's not forget what's upstairs."

Mr. Scrim nodded accordinly and said it was true. He also tried to touch the hat. Tried.

POPEMOBILE FUCKED. POPE'S SON EVEN MORE FUCKED.

2007-09-01T22:44:00.001-07:00

The Pope's son, Monty, was arrested for driving under the influence. Jimmy Two Shoes pointed his guns at everyone, muiltiple times, but mostly at Monty.

When asked his b.a.c., Jimmy Two Shoes replied, " I don't like technology. I don't use that shit. I'll put the two shoes on ya". He then pointed his guns at Monty, who quickly screamed, "I'm drunk, I'm drunk". Three of us were also pursuaded to plea guilty to an m.i.p..

The Pope's hat almost fell off.

The Pope-mobile is wrapped around a tree, and being turned into a national monument. Its plates were missing.

Murda D and DCVan were also arrested, agan. Though, that's not really news.

Two kilo's of Cocaine, two small guns and one large gun were found in the trunk of the Pope-mobile.

Mr. Scrim Speaks

2007-09-01T21:01:00.000-07:00

Mr. Scrim, accompanied by Jimmy Two Shoes held a press conference addressing Totem masturbating in the Vatican Middle School, and dealing drugs to The Pope.

We're only posting the awesome questions!

Q: Where is The Pope now?
A: Probably off looking at his hat somewhere.

Q: Why are you behind a garbage can?
A: Why are you in front of it?

Q: Why is Jimmy Two Shoes armed?
A: We're heightening security. Jimmy Two Shoes can now fuck shit up legally.

Q: Didn't he kill someone?
A: Like in self defense? Unmotivated? Like, for no reason? In self defense?

Q: Does the Pope do drugs?
A: Ehhh.

POPE WON'T SHARE PRETZEL

2007-09-01T20:37:00.000-07:00

Photogs caught The Pope and Mr. Scrim near the balcony.

The Pope is very angry with Totem's pole. He keeps pointing to Mr. Scrim, then to his hat, and then back to Mr. Scrim.

There were a lot of hard looks.

Totem Pole Ejaculates Innocence

2007-09-01T20:05:00.000-07:00

Totem's court transcripts stolen from Vatican City Courthouse. All direct quotes!

I did it. So what? I'm gonna do it again.

When my people were here, we did it everywhere.

If I wore the hat, things would be different.

I would do it wearing the hat.

Whatever, I sell The Pope drugs. You can't touch me.

Only I can.

-Totem Pole

Guest Blogger: Roxy Vatican

2007-09-01T18:48:00.000-07:00

I just saw a hipster walking in the park in a dress with a repeated pattern. Upon further inspection, I realized that it was Mao's face repeated with the addition of hot pink. She was not Asian, and I'm unclear as to what she was doing above Vatican Boulevard, but thats all beside the point.

-Roxy V

The Pope Speaks...

2007-09-01T18:34:00.000-07:00

I still wear the hat around here.

Quote of the Day: Murda D Responds

2007-09-01T18:26:00.000-07:00

“Steppin’ outside of the game… If I was just a fan of music, I would think that I was the number one artist in the world .”

- Murda D, Saturday morning on Vatican City's Manmeat and Summer Love radio show.

On a side note, we recently found out the "D" in Murda D, stands for Death. Murda Death.

2007-08-31T20:43:00.000-07:00

I never asked to be heir to Vatican City. I don't even vote.

2007-08-31T20:23:00.000-07:00

I dont' like the way you guys been portrayin me or Mista Scrim. I don't wanna have to put the two shoes on you!

2007-08-31T20:21:00.000-07:00

"I heard that hat doesn't fit him too well", said Mr. Scrim during a casual encounter.

The Pope Speaks...

2007-08-31T20:18:00.001-07:00

I wear the hat, and that's that. I also came up with the name, Vatican City. No biggie.

DJ ILLIONAIRE and ROXY VATICAN?

2007-08-31T03:37:00.000-07:00

We snuck into DJ ILLIONARE's new club, WOMB, where he was getting cozy with new friend, ROXY VATICAN.

We hear they spent most of Sunday nursing each others hangovers and piecing together the puzzle of what happened that night.

Roxy attended to her nausea and rubbed her finger where she yanked off her promise ring.

Rap Stars outside Sky Bar, during shooting

2007-08-31T03:26:00.000-07:00

Murda D and DCVan were both at Sky Bar, saturday night during the time of the shooting. They were near the makeout tree smoking a carton of Virginia Slims that Murda D had stolen from his mom.

Their plan was to smoke the stolen smokes with some friends. Even though the young smokers swore to keep the event a secret... JIMMY TWO SHOES, showed up demanding that someone bum him a smoke.

He was denied by the rapstars and shot one of their homeys. Life is rough in Vatican City.

INDIAN IS CHIEF SUSPECT?

2007-08-31T03:16:00.000-07:00

The INDIAN, was detained and questioned by police officials for more than three hours Monday in connection with a string of brutal masturbatings in the Vatican area.

The string of horrific masturbatings has shaken this tiny community in Vatican City. In the past month alone, some 31 kleenex, three socks, and one baseball cap have been found badly masturbated, some beyond recognition.

Indian is chief suspect after the discovery of a kleenex on the side of his bed identical to one found in a Vatican Public Library men's-room stall. And two others found in the second-floor boys' bathroom at Vatican Middle School. Like the items previously found, the kleenexes appeared to have been severely masturbated.

A search of Indian's sock drawer uncovered a number of items that may have been used in the crimes, including a 1982 "Sex In Cinema" issue of Playboy featuring Barbi Benton; a November 1991 issue of Gent; and a picture of ninth-grader Susie Sherwood from the 1997 Salem Middle School yearbook.

The Indian has strenuously denied all charges, claiming to have been "at orchestra practice" at the time of the masturbatings.

2007-08-31T03:14:00.001-07:00