Friday, August 31, 2007

INDIAN IS CHIEF SUSPECT?


The INDIAN, was detained and questioned by police officials for more than three hours Monday in connection with a string of brutal masturbatings in the Vatican area.

The string of horrific masturbatings has shaken this tiny community in Vatican City. In the past month alone, some 31 kleenex, three socks, and one baseball cap have been found badly masturbated, some beyond recognition.

Indian is chief suspect after the discovery of a kleenex on the side of his bed identical to one found in a Vatican Public Library men's-room stall. And two others found in the second-floor boys' bathroom at Vatican Middle School. Like the items previously found, the kleenexes appeared to have been severely masturbated.

A search of Indian's sock drawer uncovered a number of items that may have been used in the crimes, including a 1982 "Sex In Cinema" issue of Playboy featuring Barbi Benton; a November 1991 issue of Gent; and a picture of ninth-grader Susie Sherwood from the 1997 Salem Middle School yearbook.

The Indian has strenuously denied all charges, claiming to have been "at orchestra practice" at the time of the masturbatings.